The Ballad of the Villains
by TheOnlyPotato
Summary: A series of one-shots and short-stories based on the Villains of our favorite Disney movies... but they all take a very dark turn... on hiatus until I get some one-shots to dump here.
1. Confessions

**Okay before you judge me for writing Disney, you should know I fell in love with these pairings ON ACCIDENT. I was searching for MaleficentxDiaval pictures for an edit and I found Maleficent and Jafar. I thought the couple made sense (more sense than Maleficent and Diaval, actually) and did further investigation. Then I started shipping Grimhilde and Hook, and Ursula and Hades (I also ship Gaston and Cruella) and... I kind of got accidentally obsessed. So this is my take on what would happen if the princesses forced their villain associates to confess. Oh and the Maleficent I used for this story is the Maleficent at the end of the 2014 movie. I used the new movie adaptions for all the characters unless they don't have a new movie, in which I used the original movie for this stuff. I dunno, just enjoy.**

**Confessions**

Maleficent and Diaval are sharing a branch of blackberries when their tree is swarmed by young princesses. The girls are in a heated screaming match, a few of them attempting to keep the peace but the majority of them arguing about some problem or another. Maleficent startles and flies off, seeing as dealing with Aurora's new group of friends wasn't quite her forte. Not to mention her ears weren't keen to loud noises and she often spaced out around them. It was left up to Diaval to see what has gotten the young royalties in such frenzy.

"Uncle Diaval," Ariel whines, her blue eyes glistening with ambition. "You have to help us!"

"Yes, godfather, you simply must!" Aurora pleads, grabbing the lapels of his jacket. Diaval removes Aurora's hands – invasion of personal space was where he drew the line – and stares at each princess worriedly.

"Help with what, little ones? What is the problem? Is anyone hurt?" He asks, searching the group. All were accounted for; even Mulan who preferred not to follow the girls on their journey's to the Moors, seeing as they sort of scared her. She was however present and seemed to be quite distressed, although more so by the unnecessary loudness of her group of friends.

"No! No one is hurt," Jasmine clarifies, pushing her way through the girls. "They're over exaggerating this whole ordeal."

"Over exaggerating what precisely? What's going on?"

"Well we've been debating. We realize that both Jafar and Maleficent have been lonely for a long time, as well as Hades, Ursula, Hook and Grimhilde. We only think it right if Jafar and Maleficent hook-up, along with the others," Rapunzel says, as if it's the most obvious thing. Diaval chokes on his own spit, obviously not prepared to meddle in his Mistress' love life.

"No, you only think its right! I think it's stupid!" Mulan groans.

"Love is not stupid! Loved saved almost all of our lives!" Snow argues.

"Your godmother is beautiful, Aurora, but really, Jafar and Maleficent? Someone would die, I'm sure!" Tiana says, her hands on her hips. The girls launch into loud chatter again and it takes Diaval turning into a tiger to shut them up – well it shuts most of them up, Jasmine and Aurora remain unfazed by his shape-shifting – and they all turn their attention back to him. _Oh thank the heavens for Maleficent's kindness of allowing me to change forms at will._

"We came to you," Pocahontas explains. "Because we knew you would know Maleficent better than any of us, even Aurora. What are your opinions, Diaval?"

"Well, Maleficent has been very lonely lately," he starts, causing the girls pro-Maleficent and Jafar to squeal in delight. "But are you sure you want to put her up with her, basically, male equal? Is that safe?" The others cry out loud 'thank you's' and 'I told you so's'.

"Yes! It's what would make them perfect, Diaval!" Cinderella cries, which sends the girls back into a fit.

Meanwhile back at VAHE (Villains Against Happy Endings) council, the room was coated in a thick layer of sexual tension. Whose bright idea was it to stick Hades, Ursula, Grimhilde, Hook, Maleficent and Jafar in the same room, alone, with the situation of signing peace treaties between the Kingdoms's of the forever happy tributes?

I don't know, but whoever they were, they are absolute imbeciles.

"Concentrate," Maleficent announces when Jafar's eyes begin to wander too close to her bosom. The meeting had been full of distractions of wandering hands and loud glances. "For the sake of whatever hierarchy, let's get this over with."

"Aye, I've got to get back to Peter and Wendy by nine," Hook says, raising his left hand – or hook – in agreement. Just as he does, both Lago and Diaval fly in through the window, both looking angry, frustrated, and exhausted. When they shift into their human forms, Lago points an accusing finger at Jafar and snarls.

Diaval takes a different approach however, and looks at Maleficent pleadingly.

"Please kiss Jafar," he begs, getting on his knees in front of her chair. Grimhilde snorts beside her.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You would do anything for Aurora and I, wouldn't you? We're like your brother and daughter? Then do me a favor and kiss Jafar. Make out, have sex, peck each other… just do it in front of the princesses so they leave us alone," Diaval pleads. If Maleficent wasn't so shocked, she would have laughed at his tired state. His dark locks were ruffled, his onyx eyes glistening with pain… Diaval had never looked so frazzled.

Lago, however, looked much worse for wear and had his finger in Jafar's face. "You get over there make-out with that faerie until you turn purple or so help me Allah-"

"What is this about?" Grimhilde asks, her lips pursed. "Is my Snow causing either of you troubles?" The villains had left Lago in charge of the girls while they worked, but apparently the red-haired bird had decided to pull Diaval into the mix. He was, after all, the one that was great with children.

"Your Snow, Hades' Meg, Ursula's Ariel, Jafar's Jasmine, Hook's Tinkerbelle and Maleficent's Aurora. They won't shut up about the lot of you getting together and having babies. If I hear one more story about how Hook and Grimhilde hook-up in a back lot I am going to vomit!"

"Back lot? I never," Grimhilde gasps. Hook merely blanches, his eyes going the size of saucers.

"Oh no!" Diaval groans, holding his head in his hands. "Tell them about how Jafar pins Maleficent against the wall, making her plead for his mercies! For innocent princesses, these girls have awfully dirty minds!"

"I don't beg for anyone," Maleficent says at the same time Jafar says, "It's realistic at least." The duo glare at each other, but crack small smiles. They were the one pair of villains that could make jokes like that and not be perturbed by it.

"My favorite however," Lago practically yells, slamming his hands on the table where the villains had gathered. "Is where Hades creates an underwater portal every day to… ah… let's say eat Ursula's catfish." Hades' blue hair goes crimson at that one and he makes a scene of scooting away from the sea witch, whose purple skin goes a slight red.

"So if you all don't go out there and confess your undying love," Diaval growls. "We'll just agree I won't mind being a dragon again."

"We don't love each other!" Grimhilde yells at the two birds turned men. "I don't know where the princesses got this silly notion, but it's absurd."

"Lies!" A high-pitched voice yells. And of course, in bursts the main princesses themselves, all clutching leather bound books. Each villain visibly blanches, and it appears that they know just what the books are.

"What is that, beastie?" Maleficent asks anyways. Aurora slams the book down in front of her godmother, a smirk on her lips.

"This, godmother," she says, opening a book. "Is documented thoughts of every villain or villainess ever thought of. It's magical. And I'm going to use it to prove you love Jafar."

"Beastie-"

"Page four-thousand-forty-two," Aurora interrupts. "_I can't help but bite my lip as he removes his robes. He's so muscled and chiseled, I wonder what those calloused and strong hands would feel like as he grips my waist, coaxing me into an orgasm_."

"I never!" Maleficent says, eyes widened. Diaval doubles over in laughter and Jafar raises an eyebrow, a large smirk gracing his own mouth. He leans forward on his elbows and Maleficent glares at him. It wasn't a _Diaval-you-are-annoying-me_ glare; it was a _Stefan-you-will-pay-for-this_.

"Oh I wouldn't be so pleased, Jafar," Jasmine snaps, when she catches the sorcerer's smug look. "_I watch as her hips sway in that tight little number her servant picked for her and can't help but want to rip them off her body right now and take her, right in the middle of the ballroom_."

"That was last week! I remember that dress, because I made it!" Diaval says between wheezes. "Oh god, I didn't think it'd be that tight on you Mistress. It seems as Jafar didn't mind though!" Lago chuckles at that, but Maleficent is less than amused.

"Shut up, you ignorant bird," she snaps.

"I think this is golden," Grimhilde smirks, sending an amused glance towards their group leaders. All eyes are on the queen as Snow rips open her book, and her smirk is wiped clean off her face.

"Not so fast! _I watch as Hook uses his handicapped hand to help Peter Pan and I can't help but wonder just how that hook would feel_… oh, oh my…" Snow white trails off before shuddering. "Such dirty thoughts, Queen Grimhilde."

"Wait, there's more!" Wendy adds, snapping open Hook's book. He reaches for her but she dances out of his grasp, laughing as she reads his thoughts... "_Grimhilde's hips sways as she dances with Maleficent and I can't help but feel my pants tightening as I become erect for her_… was that the same night that you refused to stand, Hook?"

"Shut up, lass! I'm not afraid to decapitate you!"

"Ariel, now!" Meg calls. Ariel nods, and she and Meg read at the same time.

"Hades stares at me and I stare back. I can't help but want to feel just what a god he is."

"Ursula stares at me and I stare back. I can't help but want to feel just what those tentacles do." Then with that the two girls burst into laughter. Upon realizing it's one of the last few pages, they begin to understand that it had been during that very meeting. This sends them rolling on the floor, and Hades and Ursula look at each other and shrug.

"Ready to confess your love for each other now?" Aurora asks triumphantly. But her words are hardly heard because Diaval is still wheezing and guffawing in that raspy chortle of his.

"Don't make me grab your book, pretty bird. You have had a few unpleasant thoughts about Lago yourself." He stifles his laugh after that, purposefully ignoring the red-headed man's blush.

"So?" Ariel presses, leaning forward to the sea-witch that had cursed her.

"You could come with me to check on Peter Pan," Hook offers Grimhilde, breaking the silence that had settled amongst the villains. She smiles and nods, ignoring the dance of victory that Wendy and Snow White share.

All eyes turn to Ursula and Hades, but it seems as if now that they're feelings are out in the open, they need no further pushing. The duo is both ravishing each other's mouth and letting out little gasps and moans. Ariel visibly shudders and Meg turns away, her face going green. Ursula and Hades weren't the tidiest of kissers.

"Well… Jafar? Maleficent?" Aurora asks, sending them each a hard stare. Jasmine sits on the table next to Jafar, giving him an evil glare as well.

"Did you read the entire book, Beastie?" Maleficent asks, remaining calm. She had stared in the face of death an abundant amount of times before; surely she could handle the chastising looks of her goddaughter and her friends.

"… No. It's really long. You think too much. You're so calculating," Aurora sighs eventually, realizing that her godmother wouldn't be cracking under her hard stare. Of course she wouldn't, Maleficent was the Master of Malice.

"If only you had read further, you would have seen that Jafar and I's affair has been occurring since your fifteenth birthday," Maleficent shrugs. Aurora's mouth opens and closes as if she was a fish denied water and she narrows her eyes into slits.

"That long, godmother? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"We did," Jafar sighs, leaning back in his chair. Lago and Diaval begin to inch towards the door, knowing that if the princesses had found out they had hidden the secret from them, they would be dead meat.

"Who?" The girls ask, hands on their hips and pouts on their lips. Both powerful beings eyes flick to their trusty right-hand assistants, who had one foot out the door. They took off running and the princesses glare after them before scurrying out of the board room to chase them down.

"So now that's out in the open," Maleficent murmurs, leaning close to Jafar to kiss and nip at his neck. "Can we return to my chambers?"

"Only if you were that tight number that Diaval made you," he replies, his hand grabbing hers. Maleficent laughs, husky and sultry.

"Mmm, looks like you got yourself a deal."


	2. Unfortunate Interruptions

**This story sprouted from a story my friend told me. Apparently she went seeking help for her homework with her mom, but instead found her mom and her mom's boyfriend... well, you know. They hadn't even heard her come in from school! I thought it would be funny if Aurora walked in on Jafar and Maleficent. I dunno, just a thought. Okay, continue.**

* * *

><p><strong>Unfortunate Interruptions<strong>

"Hurry, damnit," Maleficent breathes into the ear of her lover as he struggles with belt on his trousers. His mouth moving against hers feverishly, he adjusts himself at her entrance.

It had been weeks since the last time the couple had sex. It was mostly the fault of the other princesses, always calling on one or the other for some insignificant problem. If it wasn't the princesses though, it was a prince or their assistant. Especially Diaval and Lago, seeing as they'd attempted a relationship themselves and often sought out the other's master or mistress for advice on how to please the other.

Privacy seemed to have evaporated from their lives, so they cherish this opportunity they get while Aurora and the others are in Jasmine's chambers having a make-over. Diaval and Lago had gone elsewhere for their own devices, but Maleficent was sure she wouldn't have long until they were interrupted again.

It's been so long, that when Jafar pushes into Maleficent and she almost screams, her long nails raking down his back. She'd forgotten how he felt inside of her, how large his length was.

"It's been too long, my sweet," he murmurs before sinking his teeth onto her shoulder. Her legs tighten around his waist as she waits for the pain to fade. There was always pain accompanied with the moments she spent locked in Jafar's heated embrace, but it was part of what made it their moment.

"Indeed," she agrees when she can breathe again, bucking her hips. Jafar understands the words behind her motion and draws nearly all the way out before pushing into her again. Maleficent growls, biting his bottom lip to punish him for teasing her. Must he drag this out on their tight schedule?

"What is it you need?" Jafar asks tauntingly, nibbling her ear.

"I swear on your allah if you don't give it to me-" That's all he needs to give another pump, this time faster and rougher. Maleficent gasps loudly, but Jafar swallows it with his mouth before giving another thrust.

They've done this so many times before; they know each other's likes and dislikes. They move in perfect synchronization, lost in each other's moans and breathless whispers of the other's name. Although sex is often a bit difficult with Maleficent's wings, she's learned to use them as an advantage, closing their span around her and Jafar to shield them from any unwelcome walk-ins. She could always use a cloaking spell, but in the heat of the moment, those things don't particularly come to mind.

However, the faerie is regretting that decision when the sound of books hit the floor. Jafar stops mid-thrust, and locks eyes with her. His expression says it all. _We're screwed._

"G-g-godmother?" A horrified voice asks. Maleficent curses – not so quietly – when the familiar voice hits her ears. Of course it had to be Aurora to walk in on her having sex. Of course, she had to be the one to strip the little beastie of her innocence. How much damage could she do to the princess before she snapped? "Godmother, tell me that isn't you."

"What?" Maleficent snaps angrily, resting her head against the cold stone wall behind her. Jafar groans in annoyance, shooting his lover another look. _Get rid of her… please._

_I'm trying, _Maleficent glares back, before looking over Jafar's shoulder. "Whatever it is, can we talk about it later, Beastie?"

"Carry on, godmother…" Aurora says hurriedly, collecting her books and bolting from the room as if she'd seen a ghost. As soon as the chamber door slams shut, Jafar laughs. Maleficent glares at him before resting her head on his shoulder, laughing breathlessly as well. Even they had to admit the situation was slightly funny.

"I don't think I can continue after that," he mutters eventually. She kisses him gently, shaking her head.

"You don't have to," she shrugs. "I can understand how the moment could be lost." Jafar presses her body against his, however, and kisses the spot between her horns. She sighs in contentment. That was a place of intimacy, a place in which no other person had touched, yet alone kissed. Even Stefan had been forbidden from teaching between her horns.

"But let's try, no? Who knows when the next time it will be when we get a chance like this?" He whispers in her ear. Maleficent shakes her head, laughing again.

"You know, you are so right, its _grating_."

Meanwhile, the door to Diaval and Lago's chamber slams open. Quickly, Diaval pulls away from his secret lover and glances at his goddaughter, mindlessly busying himself with arranging the parchments on the coffee table. Lago groans loudly and shuffles into the bathroom, obviously to take care of the problem Diaval had left him with. Of course, Aurora had to enter just when they were about to go all the way for the first time.

"What is it, little one?" Diaval asks, trying to keep the venom from his voice. He really shouldn't blame Aurora for her naivety… she couldn't help it.

"Diaval! You won't believe what I just saw!" Aurora gasps, sitting next to him. Diaval barely spares her a glance as leans back on the seat.

"Try me," he mutters, recounting all the whimsical and crazy things he'd seen over the years in the accompaniment of Maleficent and Aurora – and letter, the other Villains and their heroes and heroines. Whatever the young girl had to throw at him now would pale in comparison.

"Oh Diaval, it's dreadful! Jafar and Maleficent were… _mating_." Aurora whispers the last word and scrunches up her nose like she'd just eaten something sour. Apparently, this is a big deal to her.

"What's so bad about that, little one?" Diaval asks, eyebrow rose. Oh, if only she knew what she had just interrupted.

"It's like watching your parents have sex! It's filthy and disgusting! I view Jafar as a sort of father, don't you know?" His goddaughter rants, bolting up from her seat.

"I thought I was considered your father," Diaval frowns, moving to pour himself a cold drink. Silently, he praised himself for wearing baggy pants that day, seeing as Lago's lips on his had left him hot and bothered. _Oh Aurora,_ he thinks sadly. _Curse you and your bad timing._

"You are! I consider you and godmother a divorced couple with new spouses you know? Any who, it was awfully dreadful to witness. Mindless kissing at family dinners is okay, because Phillip, Aladdin, Jasmine and I are always kissing our respective mates. But mating, Diaval? That is disgusting! Even Phillip and I haven't crossed that line," Aurora explains with a pout.

"And you won't anytime soon," Diaval says sternly, before softening. "I don't see the distaste, Aurora. What did you think we do in our free time?"

"I don't know… evil things or something! Definitely not that! Diaval, you can't possibly be okay with this? Are you?" Aurora's cheeks go red and a horrified look comes across her face. If her godfather approved of that, what else would he approve of Maleficent and Jafar doing. Having children? Oh heavens no!

"I'm afraid so, little one. I don't understand why it makes you so uncomfortable!" He exclaims, sitting back down with his bourbon.

"Me either," a voice in the doorway grumbles. Maleficent enters the chamber with her hair messed up and her face angry. Not to mention her clothes are misplaced. "Thanks to the beastie, this will be nearing a month without sleeping with Jafar."

"Oh godmother I don't want to hear about it!" Aurora squeals, hiding behind Diaval who chuckles.

"You look… disgruntled," he notes, raising his glass in a nod to her appearance.

"Disgruntled doesn't quite fit the emotion, Diaval," Maleficent sighs, using her magic to fix herself up. "Aurora have you ever heard of knocking?"

"Oh well excuse me for thinking that my godmother had the decency not to have… intercourse in the castle," the blonde pouts. Maleficent rolls her eyes before her eyes float to Lago, who had just exited the bathroom looking pleased but still stressed.

"Let me guess… she interrupted you too?"

"Sadly, yes," Lago sighs, sitting next to the raven-haired man. At that confession Aurora jumps away from Diaval, wiping her hands on her dress feverishly. He rolls his own eyes before leaning on Lago, his eyes dreary. Lago focuses his green eyes on Aurora, and that one look tells an entire story. She shudders.

"You two are… are… insufferable!" Aurora announces, racing out of the room. Diaval looks at Maleficent with tired eyes.

"Thanks to her and her busy friends, I am still a virgin," Diaval confesses to his Mistress. Maleficent laughs a little, rolling her eyes.

"Oh I know your pain, pretty bird. I know your pain all too well."


End file.
